My boyfriend had rotator-cuff surgery on Christmas Eve, and I naively thought we’d quietly spend the holidays together while he’s on pain meds and I nurse him through it. I didn’t think specifics, that he’d be pretty much incapacitated. I love him and there’s no question that I want to take care of him in every way, but I ended up stressed and physically exhausted. And a week after the surgery, on top of caring for my family (human and furry), I agreed to cat sit in the city, thinking I’ll just go back and forth from Manhattan and Brooklyn every day, no problem.
I ended up spreading myself thin, pushing my exhaustion, and having crying spurts, feeling I absolutely sucked at taking care of everyone.
All the while there’s Australia. I can’t bear to see any coverage of what’s happening. I don’t know what to do besides donate and pray.
At one point, I connected in with the cat I was caring for and told her how sorry I was for not being my best self. (Even though I was giving her a lot of time and love, I still felt I sucked.) The cat responded, “You know, we don’t all NEED you to survive. We are our own entities. Everyone is responsible for themselves. All that matters is that there is love between us.” Now, even though I fed her and gave her meds daily, this cat was talking bigger picture—that we don’t have to put the brunt of the world on ourselves. As long as we come from love, we’re putting our best out there.
On Monday, I was truly wiped out but felt the urge to go to a shamanic circle. As I was still trying to process the cat’s message, wondering how can we be everything to everyone, wanting to save the world and our loved ones despite human limitations, the shaman welcomed us and read this quote from L.R. Knost:
“Do not be dismayed by the brokenness of the world.
All things break and all things can be mended.
Not with time, but with intention.
So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally.
The broken world awaits in darkness for the light that is you.”
Instead of creating a burden of responsibility on our shoulders, we can come from love, shine our light. In that energy, there is no judgment or pressure, just pure caring and compassion...and some pretty awesome world-wide meditations for rain in Australia.
This morning my boyfriend surprised me with a card thanking me for my care during his one-armed man phase. There’s still a part of me that feels I could be doing so much better. But today I’ve decided to keep it simple and just live in the love.
It’s all about the magic. 🙌