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Moving Through the Mystery

The other day, a memory popped into my head from thirteen years ago. My friend Diana was visiting from Milwaukee and staying with me in my tiny New York apartment. One morning she woke up in a panic on my futon because somehow after rolling over in her sleep, she had wrapped my cat Willow in the sheet between her legs. Diana sat up suddenly and frantically tried to rescue my cat from the covers, only to find Willow completely and utterly content and purring, to Diana’s huge relief. I hadn’t thought about that in a million years.

Horse in the sunset teaching about grief and loss through intuitive connection

Yesterday, I was scrolling through clothing online. I came across a dress named the “Diana” dress and clicked on it. I stopped for a moment, said hi to Diana (who’s now on the other side), and thought how cool it was that this chic dress had her name. Then I clicked to the next dress, which was named the “Willow” dress. My jaw dropped. I immediately had a knowing in my heart that Diana was with Willow on the other side—something I’d never thought about before. It gave me so much comfort to know they are together.

I lost Willow eleven years ago, Diana passed fourteen months ago, and I still cry about both a lot. Those and other recent losses have me pondering often about grief and how deeply hard it is. Several losses I’ve experienced are of those who've seemed to leave too soon—it’s just so hard to understand.

Today I "randomly" pulled the bobcat oracle card whose message is “life is a mystery.” It’s all about how when faced with the Great Mystery, comfort and knowing will come when we lean into our hearts and intuition rather than trying to figure things out intellectually. And that the most important thing is to trust in the mystery of life and allow information to be revealed.

I am so grateful that I can feel a connection to my loved ones on the other side, and do readings for clients’ animals on the other side. Every time I receive a sign from Spirit, it’s a treasured gift. If we could keep leaning into and believing in those experiences, it can be a tool to outweigh the distress of confusion and pain and the struggle of understanding why things happen the way they do sometimes.

Right before I sat down to write this post today, I walked over to the small table where I have a picture of Diana and my oracle cards. In the middle of the table was the clay imprint of Willow’s paw that I’d received from the vet after she’d passed. I had totally forgotten that the other day I’d felt compelled for some reason to move the paw print from my nightstand to the table next to Diana’s picture. A day after I placed it there is when I saw the dresses named Diana and Willow. My friend and my cat were confirming for me that I’d known they belonged together all along.

Several years ago on my last day in Costa Rica working with Mr. Big on a soul-level-work retreat, it came time for my group to part from our horses who had been our individual partners for the week. After several days of experiencing deep, intimate, loving, affectionate, and profound guidance and friendship with him, it was heart-wrenching for me to say good-bye to Mr. Big. After we hugged our horses and said our thank yous and so-longs, I watched as all the horses trotted happily—and I mean happily—into a sunset-lit field to relax and wind down after a week’s work. “Wow”, I thought, “that was easy for him! I’m sobbing over here!” But Mr. Big knew we’d always be connected. (Also it’s amazing how horses are SO GOOD at "going back to grazing"—processing stuff and staying in the beautiful present.)

For years after my two horse retreats, I’ve been checking in with Mr. Big almost every day to see how he's doing in Costa Rica, and we still support each other through that intuitive heart connection. He knew that would be the case. I did not.

Time, distance, and different energy planes don’t matter. It’s still always a back and forth, an exchange, a conversation, a true connection. We don’t have to understand everything now. I don’t think we’re meant to. But we will someday. In the meantime, we can revel in all the memories, names, and feelings that pop up by surprise. It’s like being wrapped up in cozy covers of support, and that’s nothing to be afraid of. 💜

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